What is Empathic Listening?

Definition of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening is listening with empathy—empathy for both the speaker and the speaker’s point of view. While active listening is commonly touted as the way one should engage when listening in professional or educational contexts, empathic listening uses features of active listening and builds upon it by incorporating empathy enhance connection and understanding between the listener and the speaker.

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Active Listening vs. Empathic Listening

While active listening and empathic listening are similar—and their titles are sometimes used interchangeably—they aren’t the same. All empathic listening is active, but not all active listening is empathic. Both approaches to listening require a listener to be fully present when it is their turn to listen in a conversation, but empathic listening brings empathy to the fore and requires the listener to consider the emotional perspective of the speaker—not merely the word’s they’re saying.

Steps for Empathic Listening

Successful empathic listening typically follows these steps—all of which are important, but some of which may take prominence in a conversation depending on context and the need of the speaker:

• Be present in the conversation. Avoid simply waiting for your turn to speak—don’t plan responses to what the speaker is saying, hear each thing they’re saying and process these points as you listen. Don’t let your inner monologue wander toward planning anything related to the conversation—and don’t let yourself mentally wander toward anything unrelated.
• Listen closely. Speech is made up of more than words. What kind of tone is being used? How loud are they speaking? Are they speaking fast, slow, stilted, with too many pauses? How the speaker is speaking is just as important as what they’re saying—and what they’re not saying.
• Watch as closely as you listen. A conversation is about more than what’s being said orally. Look at body language, eye movement, facial expressions, and other movements big and small.
• Ask questions. Use questions to expand the breadth and depth of the conversation—and to gain insight into the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. Avoid yes-or-no questions, leading questions, and loaded questions. For example, instead of asking why something went wrong or upset them (leading toward a negative outcome or teeing them up to be defensive), ask how they think something went or how something made them feel.
• Repeat your understanding of what’s being said. Active listening requires the listener to nod and verbally indicate following and understanding, then to repeat main points back to the speaker. Empathic listening takes this further. As a listener who’s collected verbal and nonverbal cues and listened closely, your role in the conversation is to process all this information and repeat back what you understand is being shared in your own words—showing that you’re both listening and understanding.
• Include others as needed. If it’s not a one-on-one conversation in which you’re participating, ensure that others are both listening with empathy and contributing their points of view by pivoting the conversation to others. Transitions like “What do you think about what’s been said?” and “What’s your take on this topic?” can be helpful here.
• Be flexible with your communication style. Empathic listening, like active listening and other listening styles, are learned skills. Everyone has their own innate approach to speaking, listening, and conversing. Whether you’re actively working toward listening empathically or finding the need to adjust based on your conversation partner, flexibility is the key to understanding.

Empathic Listening Tips

To make the most of your empathic listening practice, keep these tips in mind:

• Focus on the emotions of the speaker, not your own—do your best to remain neutral in your own feeling so you can better connect with the emotions of the speaker.
• Accept that you don’t know everything—the speaker has something new to share with you, whether it’s a fact or point of view.
• Hunger to know everything! Know what you don’t know, and then get curious about what you can learn in any given conversation.
• Reserve judgement—the role of an empathic listener is to connect intellectually and emotionally with the speaker, not to judge what’s being shared.

When to Use Empathic Listening

There are benefits to empathic listening regardless of situation, but some contexts may explicitly benefit from engaging in empathic listening:

• Leadership speaking with those they lead
• Speaking with colleagues about projects
• Personal relationships, such as family, friends, and romantic partners
• Moments when someone has come to you for advice or guidance
• Sales meetings and calls

Whether your conversation partner is seeking something from you or you’re trying to give something to them, empathic listening is key to building affinity and trust.